I was browsing Craig’s List, lkie I often do when I should be working, and I couldn’t help but notice that most of the posts are a little off. Not, ‘off’ like, say Kramer but ‘off’ like Dahmer. I shudder to think this is how I may be viewed by women.

I was reading several posts in the Men seeking Women section, here are the titles that caught my eye. Followed by my commentary, call it helpful advice.

1. Beastiality!!! – (323)
Bestiality? Bestiality? I say again Bestiality? First, if your into this, spell it correctly, secondly, if you think enough women in LA are into this, you have some great misconceptions about the other sex.
I’m gonna start with ‘Married’, see, first and foremost, this is a no no in the dating community. Now, if by ‘special’ you mean ‘rain man’ then I’ll give you a pass, otherwise, get a divorce.
3. looking for sexy milf – 32 –
Do you really believe there is a woman browsing CL right now, who sees this ad and exclaims in a Jennifer Tilly esque voice “I’m a sexy MILF! Yay! Someone wants me.” If so, you my friend are R E T A R D E D!
4. Daddy/Daughter…. – 818 – (Burbank)
Good lead in, incest is usually better held till the third date, but I applaud your bravado. Way to just throw it out there, let em’ know where you’re coming from. Do I have to spell out the issues with this post? I thought not.
5. RIMMING?? – (L.A.)
Once again, I applaud your sense of subtlety, the nuances of your prose are more than enough to convince the woman of your dreams that Rimming is indeed just the special pick me up she needed today. God speed young Rimwalker, god Speed.
6. Turned on by asian women – 36 – (West LA /SGV/ OC)
Amazing title,since we all know that Asian women love to be singled out, they thoroughly enjoy being seen as a fetish, held to a subservient standard. May I suggest a follow up post, ‘Wanted, urine colored princess to love me long time.’ I just figured I’d spare you the time, since your previous post is most probably viewed this way.
7. Male ISO Female To Help Her Pay Her Bills – 33 – (Los Angeles)
Translation, ‘I accidentally posted in the wrong area, I meant Erotic Services, sorry for the confusion. I really respect women, really, I do. I swear, stop looking at me that way.’
8. Rape fantasy or submissive??? – (L.A.)
Incest, Rimming, and now Rape? Sure, everyone has fantasies, some have control fantasies, or lack there of. However, most fantasies, and when I say ‘most’ I mean 98%, are fulfilled by people with a connection, some history. Not random ‘psychos’ and I mean that in the most polite way, from the internet. Don’t get me wrong I’m up for a good raping like the next guy, I just choose to stalk and drug my women the old fashioned way. (read last line with extreme SARCASM)
9. Addicted to Big Boobs!!! – 29 – (Los Angeles)
If you as a woman, read this title and where in any way attracted to this man, please email me, because I too am addicted to big boobs.
He throws the first pitch, and it’s knocked out of the park! I like to start my ads by insulting the very people I’m trying to attract, it goes back to elementary school, you punch the one you love. May I suggest some other titles? ‘Shut up Bitch, I’m tryin to F23K you!’ or ‘Looking for girl who can take a punch.’ possibly ‘Look Bitch, have someone read this too you and call me.’

That’s IT!

Anthony Dominguez
Comedian, Writer, Lover…®