My translations are in italics.

pimp my room – 25
Reply to: pers-530485561@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-06, 1:58PM PST

hey there. im a 25 SAF, a professional. im trying to fix my room and my place. ive been trying to look for stuff that could accentuate my room or pieces for aethetic purposes or for functionality. ha. ive got aim, and ym. im open to anything, even for meeting up new people. hit me!got myspace if u wanna see more pics.
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This gurl gets an A for ingenuity, I’m actually gonna steal this ad and use it on another site. It’s clever and only slightly slutty. Of course, spell check wouldn’t hurt.

Asian Christian awaiting for my Adam… =) – 29
Reply to: pers-528563989@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-04, 2:42PM PST

Adam where are you? I got your rib!!! =) –“How witty, I got your bone Eve!”–

I am a short and pleasantly plump chick. I know that not a lot of men are attracted to thick chicks like me. That is fine and fair, I have my wants and desires as well. –“This entire sentence reeks of FAT CHICK! I mean morbidly obese. Just an educated guess.”–

I am fun and outgoing person, I love to play volleyball, badminton, bike, rollerblade, bowling, go hiking and dancing. I love to eat, that’s why I am thick, (I am 155pounds/ 4’10.5″) –“See, I was right. Fat. Um, at that height and weight, you are officially catgorized as a Dwarf, I’m not being mean, I believe that is a clinical category based upon that height, and I am highly suspect as to wether you can truly participate in 3/4 of the sports named. She is honest, I’m a little horny for this one now. Kinda Sexay”–

I have been living in OC for about two months now. I am from the East Coast, which is why I am seeking for male friends/ companionship here.–“Translation, This town sucks, somebody feed and F23K me out of this boredom.”–

I am looking for a long term relationship with a Christian guy who loves and has a personal relationship with Jesus. –“I’m on THE PERSONAL SITE know for random sexual encounters looking for a good Christian for a meaningful relationship and Christian Values, cause all the bible thumpers are here looking for a good church gurl. Just bang me missionary style and we’ll call it even.”–

If you are not Christian, I open to a date, but not a relationship. –“Do I really need to translate this one? Okay, here goes, I’m willing to bang a heathen, but not marry them, I’m gonna be a slut till I find some sucker to marry my ass.”

Please Email me your:
telephone number
age
ethnicty
picture for picture
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This post just jumped out at me! How could I resist? How could any man resis such an inviting post? IT screams fun, Asian, Christian, and a reference to Adam and submissive religious behavior while at the same time being slightly naughty, teasing in a Catholic sort of way. MMMM, sign me up!
Don’t click. No. Seriously. Don’t do it – 28
Reply to: pers-528905807@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-04, 9:23PM PST

I am a foodaholic pyro that enjoys drinking way too much soda. I like to play with knives… but they have to be razor sharp (hazard of the profession). I like fatty foods and flavored martinis. Chocolate and I are best friends. I drive faster than I should. I like to change my haircolor whenever I can afford it, and my car is a mess. I’ve been known to follow bands across state lines. But, I can definitely say my life is interesting, and usually fun. Wanna compare bad habits?
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I think I am in love with this woman, this is the best ad posted in the last few weeks. She uses pyro, and knives as a way to lure men, I’m so hot for her, I don’t care how big she is, I’m in.
I buried Barbie in my backyard. – 26
Reply to: pers-526945700@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-03, 7:04AM PST

Like anyone else, I hate writing ads trying to sell myself (for free– even worse!) to strangers–but Jan. 2008 is here and I guess that’s the name of the game. I am 26 going on 45, and i mean that in a “i won’t get drunk on Pabst Blue Ribbon and throw up on you” way, not in a “i like collecting cats, crossword puzzle books, and spinning my own organic yarn” kind of way. I am very ambitious, more intelligent than the average person (which isn’t really saying that much, i suppose), funny (HAHAHAHA!, cough * ummm, yeah), and i really like overusing commas, parentheticals, and my finely tuned analytical skills. I wish i was more pretentious– knew my wines better and could actually name a Proust book– but unfortunately i am only slightly so… i like Reisling and John Irving books, foreign travel– especially to countries where i am likely to catch malaria, Woody Allen films, and people who have a strong work-ethic and a stronger inquisitiveness about them.

i am annoyed when people don’t know the difference between they’re, their, and there. i am annoyed when married men try to pick me up, and think that i missed that gold band they so ‘cleverly’ are trying to hide. i am annoyed at most of the antics used and ‘personalities’ displayed in hollywood. i work in the industry but i am about as un-industry as one can get. i don’t like bars much, clubs much, or drugs at all. if you already find me to be dull, then good luck to you… if not, then i will let you know what i am looking for:

a guy who worked for what he has. a guy who is not looking for 1. a wife or 2. a fling/hook-up buddy. a guy who likes to learn and think and explore. a guy who has millions of dollars and speaks 23 languages and skis and …– oh wait… too much. right. ok, not a serial killer. tactful. not too hot that you will make me think you are too hot for me. i like white boys, black boys, jews, and the occassional none-of-the-above. i like tall (who doesn’t). you should like curvy girls a.k.a. girls with junk-in-the-trunk and thighs– i have a decent amount of each. well… lots, and 2.

this is too long. i hate long CL posts, i always skip them. here’s to being my own saboteur. please respond with more than the standard “we should go out.” tell me about yourself, pic appreciated.
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As far as tag lines go, this is the best. How could you skip reading this one? I opened it hoping Barbie was someone she knew. Oh, well. I’m waiting for the Craigs List murder confession. It’ll happen.

what are you up to this week? – 25 Reply to: pers-529417528@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-05, 11:52AM PST

hi there. i wasn’t able to go home for the holidays and i’m looking to go out and spend time with someone. i would like for this person to be searching or open to a relationship. i do not want someone that is interested in spending dinner with someone and acquiring a new friend. there is another section on CL that is for platonic relationships. i also don’t want someone that is looking for friends with benefits, having fun, or a fling–once again, there is another section on CL for that. –“Time means, pay for my dinner and movie, I’m needy and want all of your attention. I will lead you on, but not F23K you! I’ve been a slut for years, and now I’m gonna be a good gurl and you get to reap the benefits of my new persona, meaning, no crazy sex, the other guys got that, no fun crazy parties, all done, you just get the left overs from eveybody else.”–

that said, i’m at the point in my life where i am looking for something with potential. although i love to have long, passionate intimate moments with someone, i would appreciate someone that would take me to dinner or drinks, movies, dancing, anything where we could get to know one another, flirt, touch, gaze into each others eyes, and feel that long deep yearning for each other before we’d get to anything more. also, i’m a curvy/vuluptous girl. please be open to a woman with curves–in all the right places. –“Read the above first line, and second above, and once again, Fat.”–

if you’re interested in what i said, please SEND A PICTURE and tell me a little about yourself. i will do the same. –“I didn’t post a picture, but require one from you, fat is, um I mean fair is fair.”–

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This ad tells you a few things if you read between the lines.

‘I have three cats, Jasmine, Diamond and Onyx; they are pretty spoiled and must be around me whenever I am at home.’

I love Craigs List, it’s the best. See you all tomorrow.

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My favorite line from an ad.

Thats IT!
Anthony Dominguez
Comedian,Writer, Lover…