BLUMPKINFrom the Urban Dictionary:

Blumpkin– when a guy is sitting on the shitter dropping a deuce and his old lady is given him some head, best used after a hard night of drinking and that first beer shit of the day. can also be used as a nickname.
1. that girl gave the best blumpkin’
2. hows my blumpkin’ this morning

Q. What’s the best way to ask your significant other for a BLUMPKIN BLOW JOB? It’s his birthday today & he really wants one from his hot cougar wife. Thanks for any advice.

     -Pumpkin? I asked for a Blumpkin!

A. First of all, hot cougar wife huh…nice. Well, tell your ‘Friend’ that a Blumpkin, or any other specialty item off of menu B is not generally something you just spring on your partner. There is a slim chance of him getting it for his birthday (this year at least). He needs to bring it up in casual conversation, a good time would be a drop a joke of some kind during a fun sexual conversation. Turn on some HBO Real Sex and drop it then. From there it needs to marinate in her head, let it fester and grow there, don’t push it. One and done is the rule here, bring it up 1 time and let her bring it up again.

If she’s interested, she will bring it up again at some point, this is very important, don’t get too excited! Don’t jump the gun, this 2nd conversation is not a guarantee. Let the idea flow from her to you, trust me, she will let you know when it’s a GO, you will know because that’s when the ‘negotiations’ start.

Advanced lesson- Not for every grasshopper.
About a week after dropping the idea, take it upon yourself to clean the bathroom from top to bottom, clean it as if you plan on having meals there, then keep it that way. Don’t ask for praise or even acknowledge the job unless she does, then just politely tell her thank you and leave it at that. 

That’s IT!